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Writing Log 12-22-11

I'll be brief today: It was 'productive' in that I produced almost 3,100 words. It was a chapter that I am extremely disappointed in, and it marks the crucial juncture of having run out of track that I lay in front of the oncoming train and the oncoming train catching up to me. I have no idea where to go from here, and the conversation that my characters just went through for the last 3k words is not that worthwhile.

This happens to me frequently. I remember this occurring during Words of the Silenced when I sent the main character down south to investigate the scene of the regicide. It sidetracked by about, oh, six chapters I think, before I pulled it back and reasserted it. Then, in the second draft, I further axed the scene, shifting it from the south to the east and modifying other aspects as I went along. The current version definitely works better, though there are still some glaring issues with that book, few of which have to do with what I'm talking about here. Also, in my last book, Tales of the Flame, I derailed and stumbled onward until I just ended the book out of pure irritation. The derailment didn't ever actually get fixed, though; I just plugged on through the train wreck that book became, learning a lot about how I write.

Now, it seems, I've hit that spot. That I'm 62 chapters deep before it occurred is a sign of improvement, methinks. Still, it's time for me to stop worrying on forward progression until I know where I'm headed. Because of the magnanimity of my mother-in-law, I got to come down to UVU today and slap together this chapter. I won't get another chance to write between now and post-Christmas week, so that should be enough time to really put my head around the issue. It's very, very likely that this version of Chapter 62 will be scrapped almost entirely and that I'll put in something completely different. This is frustrating because it feels like today was a bit of a waste, and that only makes me feel guilty that I dropped the boys off at grandma's only to have poop as a result.

That might be a little too harsh; I don't think the chapter is complete crap, but it is more of a purging of my system that I wasn't expecting to do. This is a necessary but frustrating part of writing. If I don't have enough time to recharge my creative juices, I often evacuate less worthwhile thoughts and chapters. To try to avoid this in the future, I've decided on a special schedule. (This is, like, my super secret dream that nobody knows about...which is why I'm writing it on the Internet--the least likely place it'll be read.)

If I were a full-time writer, I would have to have a rigorous five- or six-day schedule. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I would try to write a section--main chapter, flashback, or interlude. Then, on the off days, I would have to put one or two hours into rereading past stuff, fixing it up, and doing general editing. The idea would be that, by not pushing out words every day, I'd still have a little bit of quality in me that could be tapped.

See, I think of my creativity as being battery-like, one that builds up. The longer I go without an outlet, the stronger the charge is when it's finally released (usually). But, if I'm always trying to create things, my muse isn't trained to release frequently. Instead, it gives me half-hearted attempts and boring, low-quality type of writing. So if I could write three times a week--and do my typical output of 2,500-4,000 words on each one--I would be able to get easily a 350,000 word book out every year. (By the way, a 350k book would be closing in on 900 to 1,000 pages, depending on the formatting. I doubt I'd actually write that big.) Or, separately, put out two or three smaller books per annum. That would be crazy cool.

As it stands, I've been working on Writ in Blood since January of 2010--coming up on the two year anniversary. I feel like I have a lot to show for it since I started, which is what makes days like today so frustrating. I know that I can write better than this, but I'm afraid of losing a single day of writing. Even when it's crappy, I still push on, figuring that I'll fix it in editing. But if I weren't so afraid of losing a day of new writing, I would be able to go back and start editing the other chapters, thus allowing my mind to clear a little bit and get me primed for another go. But there's something in me that just recoils at doing an improper job, something that I have to overcome if I really am going to ever be serious about writing: Outputting because that's what I have to do. I even know what I'm going to do for the interlude that would fit in nicely into Chapter 62, and I don't even want to start it. It's just...bleck. I figure I'll mess it up if I try, so may as well wait until next week...or, if it so happens, next year.

We'll see.

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