I'm a teacher, so my job is to help my students to grow into healthy, happy, productive adults. It's not just my job, of course--parents, friends, family, and a slew of other educators will all contribute. The hope is that the kids become better, that, as a community, nation, and species, we improve and progress. The students I work with are a small piece of that.
One of the things that high school kids do is have dances. Some are big things--prom and homecoming. Others are casual "stomps" and fun little get togethers. I remember attending a number of them when I was younger m'self. They're a pleasant way to pass an evening, if you're into that sort of thing.
Now that I'm into my thirties, it's no longer my thing. Nevertheless, I was asked to chaperon a dance for my school and I said, mysteriously, yes. See, I usually avoid this sort of thing, mostly because I'm a selfish git, but also because I value my home time. Despite this tendency of mine, one of my goals this school year has to become more supportive of extracurricular things--to be a more consistent presence in the out-of-class-but-still-within-appropriate-boundaries sort of way.
I can't pretend that I'm very good at this, and that's somewhat mystifying. Shouldn't I want to help out? Shouldn't I believe, like, everyone who says that service is good and beneficial and helpful? I mean, I don't not believe the idea of service being a pathway of happiness. Yet I really do struggle to want to do anything for anyone outside of "office hours" (as it were) or if they're not within the walls of my home.
Take, for instance, the Mormon-man duty (or is it Mormon man-duty?*) of home teaching. This is where, once a month, members of the congregation go out and visit a couple of families in the neighborhood, bearing a brief message and generally talking people up. It's a great program, for the most part, because it helps create out-of-chapel relationships that are positive, as well as giving a sort of "required friendship" because there's a person who is obligated to get to know you. And, usually, once you get to know someone, you consider them as a friend.
I'm horrible at this. There was a time when I did it much--dare I say, religiously?--better, but the last couple of years I've slipped into an antipathy toward the program. Guilt is the primary motivator, but the only superpower depression gives you is the ability to absorb guilt and redirect it into apathy. It's like the mutant Bishop, but with sadness. Anyway, I know I can--and should--extend myself more, to get to know people better, to make friends, and to grow as a person.
But I just don't want to.
I know how petulant that sounds. And I'm sure most everyone gets to the point where asking to care about yet another thing finally pushes them toward where they want to withdraw from everything, yet they soldier on regardless. I'm not that type of person, though. As I mentioned before, I'm a selfish git and I prefer to go through my day, devoting the majority of my waking hours to my job and family, then relying on private time to recharge for another day of acting extroverted when I'm really an introvert.
Which puts me back at where I began: I have to go chaperon this dance, which I'm only doing because I care about the students and I was personally asked to help out. And I really hope that they have/had a wonderful evening and it was worth everyone's time and effort. I do.
I just wish it was service that I wanted to do. :(
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* Punctuation is fun. I think there's a lot to explore with this arrangement, but I'ma walk away from it instead.
One of the things that high school kids do is have dances. Some are big things--prom and homecoming. Others are casual "stomps" and fun little get togethers. I remember attending a number of them when I was younger m'self. They're a pleasant way to pass an evening, if you're into that sort of thing.
Now that I'm into my thirties, it's no longer my thing. Nevertheless, I was asked to chaperon a dance for my school and I said, mysteriously, yes. See, I usually avoid this sort of thing, mostly because I'm a selfish git, but also because I value my home time. Despite this tendency of mine, one of my goals this school year has to become more supportive of extracurricular things--to be a more consistent presence in the out-of-class-but-still-within-appropriate-boundaries sort of way.
I can't pretend that I'm very good at this, and that's somewhat mystifying. Shouldn't I want to help out? Shouldn't I believe, like, everyone who says that service is good and beneficial and helpful? I mean, I don't not believe the idea of service being a pathway of happiness. Yet I really do struggle to want to do anything for anyone outside of "office hours" (as it were) or if they're not within the walls of my home.
Take, for instance, the Mormon-man duty (or is it Mormon man-duty?*) of home teaching. This is where, once a month, members of the congregation go out and visit a couple of families in the neighborhood, bearing a brief message and generally talking people up. It's a great program, for the most part, because it helps create out-of-chapel relationships that are positive, as well as giving a sort of "required friendship" because there's a person who is obligated to get to know you. And, usually, once you get to know someone, you consider them as a friend.
I'm horrible at this. There was a time when I did it much--dare I say, religiously?--better, but the last couple of years I've slipped into an antipathy toward the program. Guilt is the primary motivator, but the only superpower depression gives you is the ability to absorb guilt and redirect it into apathy. It's like the mutant Bishop, but with sadness. Anyway, I know I can--and should--extend myself more, to get to know people better, to make friends, and to grow as a person.
But I just don't want to.
I know how petulant that sounds. And I'm sure most everyone gets to the point where asking to care about yet another thing finally pushes them toward where they want to withdraw from everything, yet they soldier on regardless. I'm not that type of person, though. As I mentioned before, I'm a selfish git and I prefer to go through my day, devoting the majority of my waking hours to my job and family, then relying on private time to recharge for another day of acting extroverted when I'm really an introvert.
Which puts me back at where I began: I have to go chaperon this dance, which I'm only doing because I care about the students and I was personally asked to help out. And I really hope that they have/had a wonderful evening and it was worth everyone's time and effort. I do.
I just wish it was service that I wanted to do. :(
---
* Punctuation is fun. I think there's a lot to explore with this arrangement, but I'ma walk away from it instead.