Results of Ruminations

Growing up a bookworm, most of the family's vacations saw me in one of two places when it came to buying a souvenir: The stuffed animals section, or the book section. The former comes from a still-present appreciation of cute things (though I don't want to pet anyone's animals because that means I have to go wash my hands). But it's the latter that, as I reflect on my hazy self-memories, I begin to see the stirrings of the bibliophile that I would one day grow into. No one is born able to read, and I have memories of my own illiteracy. My mother was paying bills one day. I know this was before I went to school, so it was likely the late morning, early afternoon. Sunlight spilled over the kitchen table on which the sundry bills were spread. My father, a free-lancing guitarist since before I was born, would get the money from work (gigs, as they call them in the industry, doncha know) and my mom would crack open the checkbook, fill out the amounts, seal the envelopes, a...

My boys and I have spent the summer listening to (and they, reading) All the Weyrs of Pern.  It is, to me, a culmination of eight books (three of which we read) that build toward the dragonriders of Pern finally eradicating their age-old enemy, Thread.* The ending (spoilers) has the deaths of some beloved characters, and it's written with such loving tenderness that, despite the fact that I hadn't read the book since I was in elementary school--maybe middle school--I still remembered some of the moments. After the book was finished, I asked my kids if they thought it was a good ending. "No," said my seven year old. I could hear a hitch in his throat. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I saw that his eyes were plastic wrapped with tears that hadn't yet freed themselves. Now, my middle son is a sensitive soul; he cries anytime he feels a little too much emotion. But I could tell the ending was getting to him. My older son, who is 10, confessed that he had cried a l...

Having just returned from a week-long vacation to southern Utah, I feel like I ought to make some sort of note about what happened whilst away. After all, I had a fantastic experience in California and I wrote about that . But I'm hesitant to do so, for two reasons. Number One I was saddened by the fact that, of the four plays I saw at the Utah Shakespeare Festival this year, I only saw two written by the Bard himself. Both of those were...not the best I've seen. By a long stretch, actually. The two non-Shakespeare plays, Shakespeare in Love  and the gut-busting Shakespeare's Long Lost First Play (Abridged)  were superlative. The former was what you get in the film, minus the full-fledged nudity, with a bit more development of Kit Marlowe as a character that paid off well at the end. The latter was a love letter to Shakespeare in the most irreverent way possible, doing a mashup of "early drafts" of all his plays and characters, ending the first act with a wate...

Nestled in the foothills of Provo, beneath the gleaming white Y that's painted on the face of the mountain, a water park gurgles thirstily to itself. This is Seven Peaks Water Park, a place that I have been going to, almost every summer, since I was I don't know how old (the old park, Raging Waters, falling out of favor). Now that I have children of my own, a modest budget, and ample summer time, we decided to visit Seven Peaks and swim around for a few hours this morning. As we pulled in, my boys--who were rather excited about the day's activity--wondered aloud about the parking situation. "Pay When You Leave?" asked my seven year old, reading the sign in the parking lot. "What does that mean?" "Instead of paying right now, we'll pay on our way out," I said. "How much does it cost?" he said (I imagine; this is partially paraphrased). "Seven dollars." "Wow! That's a lot!" "Yup." I gu...

With commencement behind me, I have a week of training, then the full summer of 2017 sprawling before me. Despite my best efforts, I'm unable to hold down school-year schedule sleeping patterns, but I do want to make the most out of my time off, so I thought I'd jot down some of my ideas for what to do for a daily routine. This is likely overly optimistic, but I figure that if I have something put down, it'll help motivate me. A little. Maybe. Anyway, here's my idea of a typical day this summer, excluding vacations and other responsibilities: 7:45 am Alarm goes off 8:10 am Get out of bed I like to silence my alarm. Sue me. 8:15 am Go for a walk/jog (unlikely)/bike ride 8:45 am Start breakfast all stinky like 8:46 am Tell the boys, likely for the third or fourth time, to put away the iPads and make themselves breakfast 8:50 am Watch an informative YouTube video whilst eating 9:25 am Shower 9:45 am Start the daily essay 10:30 am Gently (read: loudly) tell ...

At the eager age of 21, I married my high school sweetheart. We had known each other since we were 17, she had waited whilst I served a mission in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, and was willing and happy and hoping to get married when I returned home. Because I took a two-year hiatus to my education, I was behind her in studies. She graduated a couple of semesters after we wedded, taking a job at a school in the Jordan School District while I rounded out my final year or two of coursework. She had a miscarriage in the summer of 2006, and our first born child came two days before I graduated as part of the class of 2007. Throughout the entirety of our time together as a married couple, we've both worked. In fact, I've never financially supported her. We've worked together to make sure we had enough money, and though I've occasionally earned more than she, it's always been the case that Gayle has provided for the family. Soon after the birth of our first child, I was un...

Have you heard of John Brockman? He has, apparently, made a bit of a living through asking thought provoking questions on his website  and then publishing the responses. Most of the stuff his contributors write is beyond me: I read This Idea Must Die , and much of it had to do with supporting (or refuting) string theory, as well as other quanta concepts that were impossible for my feeble brain to comprehend. What I like about the entire conceit is that there is an openness to the format. Brockman poses a question; scientists, philosophers, and writers answer it; then we get to read what other people think. While it's not dialectical, since the writers don't cross-pollinate, it gives a semi-conversational approach to the same question. Things that others consider important, I never thought of. Areas of my expertise are rather overlooked, which gives me a chance to always feel unsure and out of my comfort zone. Whilst at a bookstore, I happened across another of John Brockman...

Slavoj Žižek--philosopher, writer, and lisp-talker-- wrote a book called The Parallax View. It is really dense, so I have only hit a few dozen pages in it, despite having owned it for years. Still, the concept of a parallax gap is interesting to me: ...the confrontation of two closely linked perspectives between which no neutral common ground is possible. (4) His introductory piece discusses the idea of the parallax view  as being one in which it's impossible to get both views to square: A strong either/or sensation. Of course, what is happening inside  that disconnect of similar ideas is what the rest of the 400 paged book explores. It's all very heady stuff, and, like I said, I haven't pushed more than twenty or so pages through. But the idea of seams is interesting to me. Perhaps it's because my wife has, in the last couple of years, become more and more interested in sewing costumes. It's a hobby (one which has made a lot more money than the one I do where...

In other news, water is wet. I have three kids, all boys, aged nine, six, and three. They're pretty great as brothers--playing well together (for the most part) and generally being wonderful little humans. The other day, my oldest mentioned some discrepancy in the way I told them to behave and how I behaved. I don't really remember the details, and they don't matter for the broader point, but I did get short with him about the false equivalency in his comparison (not that I used that term, though I should have). I do remember asking him if he ever noticed all of the good things that I do, all the times I'm consistent, all the positive examples I provide. He didn't answer, in part because he probably got distracted by something. Though I'm hardly the first to note this (Shakespeare has a good line about how the "good is oft interred with their bones" and another about our good deeds being written in water), it can be rather frustrating. I know tha...

Life can be pretty great. In my case, I have a job I love, a wife I adore, kids I care about, and a new home that still doesn't feel like mine, but it's growing on me. I'm also really paranoid about the idea that it's a house of cards that is leaning over a precipice. Maybe it's because I talked about Peter today in my classes, reading an essay about his heart condition that I read every year. That 'Best Scar' essay is something that 1) always makes me cry, and 2) puts me in a different mind frame. The first happens because it is most likely the best written thing I've ever done (though not without its faults), and it hurts to see how I have changed in relation to Peter. As he's grown, our personalities often clash. Part of what I weep for is the fact that I feel differently about him than when I first wrote the essay. And that's what sets me in a different mind frame. My parenting is not particularly adroit. I run hot quickly and with little ...

The Utah State Board of Education, in tandem with the state legislature, have a new answer to the shortage of Utah teachers: a bachelor's degree and a test are sufficient qualifications for being a teacher. I have some thoughts about this recent decision, but it requires some context. Additionally, this is a very  long read, so I don't blame you if you don't finish it. Well....maybe a little. But not enough to hurt our friendship. Probably. ARLs and Endorsements Teaching is a tricky career, and not all teachers start out wanting to be in the classroom. Fortunately, there are alternatives for people to become licensed teachers who come from this camp. We have a handful of possibilities, but the two I want to focus on are ARLs (Alternative Routes to Licensure) and endorsements. Both already require the bachelor's degree as the minimum requirement, and since that doesn't change in the new law, we'll set that aside as a commonality. As additional context, h...

One of my greatest fears has been realized, something that I dreaded since the trauma of Peter's heart condition began to fade into its familiar numbness: Kids can be mean. Peter came home from school the other day, and, after crawling into his mother's lap, talked to her about his experience thus far in kindergarten. He explained that, yet again, he had not had any friends to play with during recess. In fact, on the whole, he doesn't feel that he has friends in his class at all. "It didn't work, Mommy," he said. "What didn't work, Peter?" she asked. "Being nice. You said that being nice will make other kids be nice to me and that's how I get friends. But it didn't work." Then he started to cry. Hearing this story stabs me right to my heart. It could be, as Hamlet says, by "thinking too precisely on the event", and thus this is an overwrought analysis, but I can't help but wonder if the things we did to...

Gayle has a list of things she wants to get done in the few remaining days of summer, things like spend more money, buy things, purchase something, use something up so she can buy another one, and laundry. Actually, her list is very proactive, and has a lot of lofty goals that make me feel a little bit, well, lazy. So I decided to put MY list of summer goals onto the blog to show, um, me and the three other people who look at the blog what I'm trying to get accomplished this summer.  Here's my list of things to write:  (2) Video game theory essays (1) Metal Gear Solid essay (1) Patriotism essay (10) Chapters revised of Words of the Silenced (1) Play for Utah Shakespearean Festival (March 1)--Daisy's Doughnuts (1) Essay for Utah Shakespearean Festival (April 1) (5) Poems of any sort (3) The Poets book chapters a week (?) Things Dinosaurs Eat, a children's book I want to write for Peter and, later, Jeremy The grand total of that list is over twenty four pieces o...

I wrote this poem a while back when I was in a somewhat similar situation as I am in currently: Writer Blocks Waiting to be able to write is worse Than a five year old on Christmas Eve, Worse than nine months' gestation To an elephantine mother. Yes, it feels great when it leaves, Like a virus expelled, or house guests― Like a bladder held too long getting relief. Though it feels great in the releasing, It doesn't feel great in the holding. Inability to write is holding glass in the hand, Painful, bleeding, possibly damaging. Holding anything in isn't recommended (Nine out of ten Surgeons General say so), Like breath or love or a story. So that's what it becomes, then, These mighty weights in the brain: Blocks upon which a tale is written, Cement stories, laid brick by brick, Word by word, letter by letter, Thought by thought. The writer Isn't blocked, but blocks the writing. Except in this case, when he sits And types a free verse poem And wishes he were ...

My general ruminations that I had at the end of last school year were expected by me at the end of this school year. Yet none came. I think, in large part, that is because of the pending surgery of Peter. Gayle's constant updating and analysis are elsewhere in the cloud, so I won't bother repeating them here. Suffice to say: He's recovering well, he's obviously in quite a bit of pain, and we're thrilled that the 5 and a half hours of surgery had such success. We anticipate being in the hospital for the next week to week and a half, though that's always a loose guess in situations such as these. We're grateful for the prayers, thoughts, comments, and well-wishes from friends and family, as well as the support of our parents as we've worked through this complex and difficult time. In other news, I finished my first reread of Words of the Silenced while at the hospital (we've had a lot of downtime in the last couple of days). It's perhaps 3/4 of wh...

Aside from the fact that I so rarely post during the school year, I have been wondering lately why I don't throw some more stuff onto the blog more regularly. I guess part of it is that I don't feel that my life is that fascinating, and without the time and creative desire to put a more thoughtful blog together, I guess I've simply avoided it. I haven't announced that Peter's last (we hope) surgery is coming on June 10. Nor have I announced that I have been given a work contract at Maeser, meaning I get to keep my job for another year. Important announcements, yes. So why did I not put them up earlier? I couldn't say. I suppose part of it is simply knowing that the blog is more for me than for others. Or perhaps it's because I don't like being so public with my private life. On Facebook, I only post a status update every, oh, month or so. Maybe less. So it's just me being my typical, quiet self. Well, whatever. I'm on to a new book (another annou...

I hit a major milestone in Words of the Silenced yesterday: I finished draft #2! Thanks, Stephen. You're too kind. I'm rather excited about the whole thing, especially since I had approximately 12,000 words to push through yesterday...and I did it! Of course, reading 12,000 words and writing 12,000 words is totally different, so while it was a lot of work, it wasn't too horribly horrible or difficult or anything like that. Now that I have it at the printer's shop, I'm going to let it cool off completely until about Spring Break. Then, since we'll have a new baby boy and nothing else to really do, I hope to read the entire thing sans a pencil during the break. I will write some notes to myself after the reading, then read it again at greater leisure with a pen in hand this time. My goal (made up this very instant) is to have the rereading, the next edit, and the next input of the edit into the computer, done by Christmas '010. We'll see what happens. As ...

Update time: Press Start has been getting fewer comments on my blog, which is only significant in that there are so few comments in the first place, so the disparity seems bigger than it actually is. I've been exploring Kotaku to get a bit of a pulse on what other gamers think, and though the site does a good job of making most of the comments worthwhile (instead of typical fanboy flame), it doesn't explore things the way I'm trying to do in the essays. This isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but it's something I've noticed. In terms of actual content, I've broken the 20k mark on the essays. Currently, the grand total for it is 21,382 words. I haven't received much feedback on my writing style for the essays, which is kind of a surprise. I thought that the language was a little more obtuse than I generally write. This stems from an attempt to be theoretical (so the verbiage is natural in that form), but also in trying to imbue more significance to what I...

Dastardly Desserts I almost had an interesting discussion tonight with my in-laws. Because of brownie diffusion, however, the almost-discussion didn't birth itself until I was halfway home, when I told my wife the following circumstance: While at my in-laws' house, I overheard my mother-in-law speaking to my sister-in-law, both of whom were discussing the fact that they didn't 'have time to read' or something along those lines. My mother-in-law illustrated her argument (with a little bit of personal pride, I sensed, though I could just be overreacting) by using an example. Recently in the hospital, she had picked up a copy of some fiction book which, despite her invalid status, she couldn't really get into. "It was just something someone made up in their head!" she said, implicitly decrying the fiction she had tried to read. Her daughter commiserated, saying she hadn't read anything in a long while, save for some nonfiction pieces that had to do w...